I’ve never felt comfortable wearing dresses. They feel strange and ill-fitting to me — despite the fact that I envy how other people look in them. I know this is part of a larger conversation about my gender dysphoria: I was socialized as a woman, but I’ve been questioning my gender for a while now.
But on the subject of sundresses, I know they represent charm and romantic appeal to so many people — including my partner. In reality, I’m more of a black-T-shirt-and-biker-shorts type of person. I’ve always worn classic Vans, Doc Martens, and Birkenstocks (like a true bisexual, so I’ve been told). I rock flannels, jumpsuits, and button-downs instead of skirts and floral tops. I traded in my lace pushup bras for sports bras years ago, and I’ve never looked back. So, while I might like the idea of sporting a sundress, I feel far sexier in a T-shirt.
When I’m in the clothes that suit me, I’ve noticed that I carry myself differently. I feel like I’m really inhabiting my own body — which is to say that, broadly speaking, there’s an undeniable connection between how we dress and how we feel. And even if Instagram models and sponsored ads would have us believe that in order to be objectively attractive, one must sport matching lingerie sets and little linen dresses, in reality, the things that we feel sexiest in are personal. Sex appeal is subjective — and so are the ways we might clothe ourselves to achieve it.
That’s why we partnered with AZOⓇ* — the urinary and vaginal health brand that’s all about doing away with bodily shame of all kinds — to ask seven women and gender-nonconforming folks about which clothes make them feel their sexiest and most confident. Here’s what they had to say.
Thalita F., 28, Las Vegas
“Ever since I had my first child a couple of months ago, I’ve found myself looking for new ways to feel sexy. Both my headspace and my body are changing — so, at the moment, loungewear has been a big favorite. I never thought I’d feel sexy in sweatpants and a sports bra, with my postpartum tummy and stretch marks out, but knowing how powerful my body is and seeing the beauty in how it created my daughter, I feel even sexier than I did pre-baby.”
Jamie S., 31, United Kingdom
“When I finally started throwing off the binary ideals of what ‘should’ be sexy, I found so much joy and freedom in my self-expression. As a transmasculine person, I feel most confident and most like myself when I’m wearing a binder, a T-shirt or shirt, and ‘men’s’ underwear. I feel grounded. Like everything just falls into place. Seeing my inner self expressed on the outside has given me a level of self-confidence that I didn’t think was possible in the 30 years before I started exploring my gender. Shirts and boxers have given me more confidence and self-love than any trip to Victoria’s Secret ever did.”
Kelly A., 40, South Wales
“The clothing I feel sexiest in will always be classic ‘80s vintage. Basically anything with shoulder pads. My favorite item at the moment has to be my ‘80s denim dress (with pockets) or my electric blue jumper dress with fur shoulders. Both give me a sense of power, and I feel like that’s reflected in the silhouettes of the garments. I think the flamboyant styles I’m veering toward right now link to the open nature of my sexuality. I’m not afraid of who I am and what I stand for, and I think my clothes speak that message, too.”
Taneasha W., 28, North Carolina
“I feel most confident when I’m showing off my favorite physical assets — and I’m not ashamed to say those are my cleavage and my thighs. I feel sexiest in an airy cleavage-baring sundress in a bright color that’s short enough to show some thigh.
“Because I’m a larger-bodied person, I’ve grown accustomed to being hyper-aware of what my body looks like or how other people are potentially reacting to it. I hate wearing things that make me want to shift and adjust all day — like shapewear or tight skirts. That said, one of my least favorite parts of my body has always been my belly, so I also make a point to go out of my way to wear things that don’t hide it: crop tops, high-waisted shorts, and dresses that show a little jiggle. There’s always something sexy about having the confidence to show off your body.”
Christine S., 33, Long Island
“I feel sexiest when I’m in summer clothes — mini skirts and little tops. In winter, it feels like I’m hiding my body. It feels strange and restrictive to have to do so just to keep warm.”
Tawny L., 36, New York City
“I’m obsessed with Skims — I walk around the house in my matching sets and feel sexy AF. And my partner notices, too. I can tell he sees the shift in my confidence. I honestly just love looking at myself in the mirror, and finding that validation in myself means I’m relying less on him for it.
“The dopamine-dressing trend has an effect on my confidence, too. I’m wearing brightly colored matching sets that boost my dopamine, which has a positive impact on my mental health, and in turn, helps me feel more confident with my sexuality.”
Celestina D., pending age, London
“I love wearing anything that accentuates my body. Do I have a big tummy? Yes. Do I have an ass for days? You’re damn right. But I no longer shy away from outfits and swimwear that I’m ‘not supposed’ to wear. I will wear that thong lingerie, I will wear that skimpy bikini, and I will most certainly wear that cutout dress, because they all make me feel sexy and empowered.
“I will also say that coming out as bisexual has allowed me to express myself even more. I no longer have anything to hide, and I find it so freeing to live in my truth, from championing my sexuality to embracing my body. Accepting my curves, bumps, roundness, and femininity is the best decision I’ve ever made.”
*AZOⓇ is a USA registered trademark of DSM
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
