CALGARY — There’s a slight quiver in Troy Stecher’s lip when talk turns to the man who has meant everything to him.
His father, his best friend, his coach for life.
It’s been almost three years since Peter Stecher died suddenly, on Father’s Day, due to complications from diabetes. He was 65.
It left a void in his son’s life that he still struggles at times to deal with.
And while the affable Flames defenceman glows about the lifetime of lessons, love, and opportunities his father gave him, it’s talk of the parting gift dad left that still prompts a crack in his voice and a glistening in his eyes.
Four weeks after his dad’s passing, as he cleaned out his father’s apartment, Troy found a one-page, handwritten letter written to him by his dad.
It was dated three years earlier, when Troy’s hockey path landed him in the NHL.
It was never sent.
“My brother was with me at the time, so it was cool to take a couple of moments and shed some tears,” said Stecher of a note brimming with pride over his son’s success.
“It basically touched on everything that I live my life by today, and how I play hockey.
“My dad was born in ’55 and was a blue-collar guy who loved cars, and worked in the shop, and was going to tell you how it was.
“He probably pissed off a lot of people the way he talked, but it wasn’t because he was an a–hole. It’s because he was honest, and that was the generation he was raised in.
“Basically he wrote, ‘just keep working hard, and you’re going to face obstacles – anything a dad would say to his son.
“At the end of the day I don’t think it matters what it says on it.
“It’s just the fact it came from my dad and it was for me.
“That’s the most cherished thing about it.”
His initial plan was to get it framed.
“I never framed it – I keep it in my travel wallet, a bigger one with my passport in it, so that way it’s with me at all times,” said the 28-year-old who grew up being coached by his father in Richmond, B.C.
“It’s folded up now, which I actually regret.
“I wish I would have kept it pristine and flat.
“But I’d rather have it on me than hanging in my place in Vancouver where I only get to see it three months of the year.
“I can look at it whenever I want.”
Attending training camp that fall as a member of the Vancouver Canucks, he remembers crying in his car after the first skate, as memories of their time together in the rink wore heavy on his mind.
The letter wasn’t the only thing that helped get him through it.
It was in that environment he also remembers how much support he was given by a pair of teammates who were going through a similar grieving process.
“That year was pretty unique, Zack MacEwen and Marky (Jacob Markstrom) lost their fathers in the same year and it was super-sudden for all of us,” said Stecher, motioning over to where the netminder now sits as his Flames teammate.
“I think the three of us understood what we were going through as individuals and the challenges you face.
“It was nice to be able to talk to someone you could relate to, because it’s hard to be able to open up about those conversations.
“Just having someone there who was feeling the same way was huge for me, and the way I grieved, and the way I got over it.”
Markstrom was one of the first to reach out that summer, sending a long, heartfelt message of condolence that meant so much to Stecher.
“Just going through it, and having a teammate and close friend go through the same thing, you know how tough it is and you want to be there,” said Markstrom of a time in his life he still prefers not to talk about.
“It was obviously not a pleasant time in either one of our lives. It’s been a few years now, and it’s still a void.
“I don’t talk about it much to anybody outside the family.
“But being fortunate enough to be in a team sport like hockey, the group is really tight, and when you go through tough times, hockey-related or non-hockey related, you have a great support system, from the support staff to all the teammates.
“It helps.”
After all, there’s no playbook on how to deal with a loss of that magnitude.
“It’s something everybody eventually goes through in their life, but you only go through it once.
“I don’t even know how to talk about it.
“It’s something I still struggle with on a daily basis, at times.
“Especially as an athlete, typically your dad is such a role model in your development in what you want to achieve.”
“It’s tough when you’re in the dumps, and you have no one to lean on, and that was a guy all three of us probably leaned on to call home and get some honest feedback.
“They weren’t going to sugarcoat things.
“As a parent, they raised you right.”
Stecher is grateful his father got to see him live his dream by playing at the highest level.
Grateful too, for the letter and the teammates who helped give him the strength to stay there.
