For most of the year, lists serve as nothing more than a reminder of everything you need to get done. You can almost feel time slipping through your fingers as you gaze at seemingly endless bullet points and think, “When the heck will I do all this?”
Then December hits and, to borrow from Lloyd Christmas’ Dumb and Dumber pal Harry Dunne, lists go out and TOTALLY REDEEM THEMSELVES!
Once the holiday season is upon us, suddenly you’re putting pen to paper — or, more likely, thumbs to phone keypad — and scratching out a series of cool things you’d like to suddenly appear in your life courtesy of other people or a large, magical man.
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If only it was that simple for NHL clubs.
Whether you’re riding high atop the standings or toiling in the basement where mom and dad hide the presents, every team could use a little gift-wrapped something under the tree.
So, with Christmas now less than two weeks away, we’re using this week’s edition of the power rankings to help teams get a jump on their list-making by identifying at least one thing they should be asking for.
1. Washington Capitals (19-6-2) Please bring us all a healthy Alex Ovechkin as soon as possible, so he can resume his historic goal chase. The Caps have 55 games to go and Ovechkin — who broke his fibula in mid-November — needs 27 goals to pass Wayne Gretzky as the NHL’s all-time leader.
2. Los Angeles Kings (17-8-3) Actually, can the Kings give us something? We’ll gladly take some of that fountain-of-youth water Anze Kopitar has been drinking. At 37, he’s on pace for 93 points, which would represent a career-best total.
3. Minnesota Wild (19-5-4) How about an Art Ross Trophy followed by an eight-year extension next summer for Kirill Kaprizov?
4. Vegas Golden Knights (18-7-3) You know what, bring Vegas a sleepy trade deadline season and let’s see what this group can do. It won’t happen, but it’s a nice thought.
5. Florida Panthers (18-9-2) What do you get the team that has everything? Maybe a 4/5 defenceman who can help with another deep run?
6. Toronto Maple Leafs (17-9-2) Santa, please bring some kind of promise; this goaltending duo of Joseph Woll and Anthony Stolarz is the real deal.
7. Winnipeg Jets (21-9-0) We kindly request a three-way deal that puts centre Nazem Kadri on the Jets with some salary retained, pending UFA Nik Ehlers on a different contender as a rental and a bundle of futures in Calgary’s stocking.
8. Carolina Hurricanes (18-9-2) Please, just one capable, healthy puckstopper.
9. Dallas Stars (17-10-0) Bring the Stars everything you can get with Tyler Seguin’s nearly $10 million worth of LTIR space.
10. Edmonton Oilers (16-10-2) I know they got one last year at this time, but another 16-game winning streak would sure help.
11. New Jersey Devils (18-10-3) How about a playoff series victory for just the second time since 2012?
12. Colorado Avalanche (17-13-0) Three more Artturi Lehkonen’s, please and thank you.
13. Vancouver Canucks (14-8-5) A nice, long run of good physical and mental health for everyone, but especially Thatcher Demko and J.T. Miller.
14. Tampa Bay Lightning (14-10-20): How about a Rocket Richard Trophy for Brayden Point so he can have his own personal moment in the Tampa sun?
15. Boston Bruins (15-12-3) Please deliver the Bruins last season’s Jeremy Swayman. Immediately, if possible.
16. Utah Hockey Club (12-11-5) Some meaningful games in April would be an enormous gift, especially for the likes of Clayton Keller and Lawson Crouse after so many lost seasons in the desert.
17. St. Louis Blues (14-13-2) Can this Dylan Holloway surge — 11 points in his past seven outings — please be a sign of things to come for the 2020 first-rounder?
18. Philadelphia Flyers (13-12-4) I’m not sure Philly gets to ask for anything else with the freshman season Matvei Michkov is putting together about two years before anybody even thought he’d be in the NHL.
19. Calgary Flames (14-10-5) When this team inevitably falls out of the playoff chase, kindly deliver some much-deserved lottery luck. Calgary has never picked inside the top 3 of a draft since moving to Alberta more than 40 years ago.
20. Seattle Kraken (14-14-2) Please make Matty Beniers and Shane Wright the long-term 1-2 punch down the middle Seattle has envisioned. Both have come alive offensively of late.
21. New York Rangers (15-12-1) As a gift to the rest of the league, let’s keep this Madison Square Garden circus going.
22. New York Islanders (11-12-7) Scoring. Always scoring.
23. Ottawa Senators (13-13-2) Can the Linus Ullmark of his past five games — 4-0-1, .944 save percentage — please be the Linus Ullmark of his next 40?
24. Pittsburgh Penguins (12-14-4) What else; another generational first-overall pick.
25. Columbus Blue Jackets (12-13-3) How about a nice first-round-pick-plus package for pending-UFA defenceman Ivan Provorov?
26. Montreal Canadiens (11-14-3) Did you know Santa’s official North Pole address is in Finland? That’s how the big man knew Patrik Laine and Montreal would be a perfect fit and couldn’t wait until Christmas to deliver them to each other.
27. San Jose Sharks (10-16-5) Please get some additional roles of paper and wrap up highly touted 2025 draft prospect Porter Martone for San Jose. If the Sharks land the six-foot-three power winger in June, they’ll have the future completely covered with Martone on the flank, Macklin Celebrini and Will Smith down the middle, 2024 pick Sam Dickinson anchoring the blueline and big summer trade acquisition Yaroslav Askarov in the crease.
28. Detroit Red Wings (11-13-4) For the love of Christmas, can we get Dylan Larkin his first playoff games since his rookie season?
29. Buffalo Sabres (11-14-4) Honestly, if the Bills win the Super Bowl, it’s all good.
30. Anaheim Ducks (10-13-4) For everyone’s sake, can we get some kind of sign the currently injured Trevor Zegras is still a guy?
31. Chicago Blackhawks (9-17-2) We’d love a hattrick for Connor Bedard on the big stage at the Winter Classic to kickstart a monster second half for the 19-year-old.
32. Nashville Predators (7-16-6) Got any magical do-overs in that sack?
