Okay So Marble Racing Is The Greatest Sport Ever Invented

I am addicted to watching tiny glass balls roll through tracks dug out of sand and you should be too

Originally published 16 March 2020

More and more places that draw large congregations of people, like office buildings, schools, restaurants, recreational centers, and tourist attractions, are temporarily closing their doors amid the global outbreak of COVID-19.

Which, first and foremost, is a very good thing.

Let’s make one thing super clear here before we continue: coronavirus is no fucking joke, and the best thing you can do for your own sake and the sake of literally everyone else on the planet is self isolate. If you have the option to, work from home. Exercise in your living room instead of the gym. Don’t go to a bar, drink by yourself on your couch like a goddamn adult. STAY. THE FUCK. INSIDE.

While self isolation is the smartest and most responsible move, it does come with its own problem.

Namely, what the hell are you going to do with yourself?

You could catch up on your reading or try learning a new language or finish that thing that you’ve been working on for like three years and you’re going to finish it one day you just don’t have the time, but we can be honest with each other. This is a safe space. That’s probably not gonna happen. So when we’ve plowed through all the good shit on Netflix and reorganized our kitchen cupboards six times, what are we to do??

Folks — I give you, marble racing.

Many major sports associations like the NHL and NBA have postponed their seasons. Which, for some, is a state of emergency in itself. But regardless of if you’re going through sports withdrawal or you couldn’t care less, I promise that you will fucking love this.

Marble racing is like any other kind of racing. It has a track, it has a commentator, it has drone-like footage of the race so you don’t miss a single moment (and you won’t want to), and it has competitors. It just so happens that the competitors in the race are marbles.

And they are DAMN GOOD athletes, okay!

It has it all!! It’s got heart!! Drama!! Twists and turns, literally and figuratively!! Suspense!! Top-notch commentating!! Edge-of-your-seat action!! Listen, if there is one thing that should unite us all at this time, it’s marble racing.

People are already invested.

You’re hooked, right?! Well I’ve got some good news for you. THERE’S MOOOOOORE

THERE’S A WHOLE LEAGUE!!!

Check out this entire playlist of marble races and get ready to become way too emotionally attached to a tiny orb of glass.