Embroidery is not just for grandmas anymore! With the rise of the “stitch and bitch” movement, even the coolest and most hip people are getting in on the fun. From sassy sayings stitched on denim jackets to irony-laden samplers hanging on trendy apartment walls, embroidery is the new black. Scroll down to see the 20 funniest embroideries we could find!
“I may not be perfect, but I’m also not trying to be. In fact, I’m so proud of my imperfections that I made an embroidery to celebrate them! It’s a beautiful piece of art. It’s like a badge of honor, showcasing my unique brand of imperfection. I even hung it up in my living room, so everyone who comes over can see it.” Sounds like you?
After breaking up with his girlfriend, a Labrador Retriever named James was inconsolable. He couldn’t shake the longing for the smell of his ex’s butt, and it consumed him day and night. In an attempt to numb the pain, James turned to the bottle, or more specifically, the whiskey bottle. He was regularly stumbling around the house in a drunken stupor. Heart-breaking, really.
Sorry may be the hardest word to say, but with the right insult embroidered, it suddenly becomes a lot easier.
Some people may think that losing your keys or phone is a bad day, but imagine losing your brain! Unfortunately, for some, it’s a reality they live with every day. They go through life without a single thought, just going through the motions, like a robot. They’re always asking for directions, even when they’re just going to the grocery store. They’re always forgetting what they’re doing, even when they’re in the middle of doing it. They’re always surprised by their own actions, as if they have no control over them. But, the good news is, they don’t have to worry about things like existential crises or decision making, so it’s not all bad. They may be brainless, but they’re also worry-less, and that’s something to be admired.
Some people may view never finishing anything as a flaw, but we like to think of it as a strength. After all, it’s not easy to consta…
Having two ears is great for a lot of things, like listening to music and hearing your loved ones say “I barely tolerate you”. But, did you know that it’s also great for wearing masks? It’s like having an all-access pass to the mask-wearing world. It’s like being a VIP at the mask party, and who doesn’t want that? On the other hand, if Van Gogh was alive today, he would probably not have the same luck. He would probably die of Covid-19, and we would never have had the opportunity to enjoy Starry Night or Sunflowers.
Slow walkers, beware! You may think you’re taking your time and enjoying the scenery, but in reality, you’re causing chaos on city sidewalks. Your leisurely stroll is causing a chain reaction of frustration, as the rest of us are forced to weave in and out, sidestep and mutter curses under our breath. It’s like a never-ending game of human Frogger and you, my dear slow walker, are the level boss. So please, for the sake of all humanity, pick up the pace or move to the side.
The T-Rex may have been a fierce predator, but let’s not forget its greatest tragedy: those tiny, useless arms. Can you imagine trying to give someone a hug with those? Or even just trying to wipe your butt? The struggles would have been real.
Why would anybody need ten commandments when just one is enough? Just don’t be a d*ck. It’s that simple, really.
When life gets tough and you feel like sitting naked on a cactus, just remember that eventually, everything will be okay. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but someday you’ll look back and realize that the cactus was just a prickly detour on the road to success. So don’t give up, keep on truckin’, and try to avoid any nude cactus-sitting if at all possible!
If Britney Spears can survive 2007, aka the year of the infamous head-shaving incident and her public breakdown, then you can definitely survive whatever this day has in store for you. So don’t let those Monday morning blues get you down, just channel your inner Britney and you’ll be unstoppable. Just remember, it’s not about how many times you get knocked down, it’s about how many times you get back up and rock that bald head like a boss.
When life gives you lemons, don’t just lay down and die, squeeze them in people’s eyes! And then drink the tears of your enemies!
You were born to be a shining star, a beacon of hope in a world full of darkness. So don’t let anyone dim your light, because you are the light that lights up the world. Just like how a single match can light up a room, you have the power to illuminate the lives of those around you. So let your brilliance shine bright, and remember, you’re not just a lightbulb, you’re a Molotov cocktail of destiny!
What’s your favorite childhood memory? Is it fair to say that it was not suffering from crippling inflation and not having to pay bills and worrying about ending up on the street?
It’s all fun and games until… No… It’s all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits. There are tons of wisdom in this embroidery.
You might be thinking, “But wait, isn’t karma supposed to be a universal force that balances the scales of justice?” Well, to that I say, “Pfft. Please. Have you met me?”
So, you know how people are always looking for recipes to amazing things in life? Maybe it’s dreaming big, setting goals, or taking action? Nonsense. It’s Xanax!
Why stress over a problem when you can just sweep it under the rug? It’s the ultimate solution – out of sight, out of mind. Plus, it’s a great workout for your arms. Just make sure to vacuum regularly or you’ll end up with a lumpy rug and an even lumpier problem.
You know what’s not a good sign for your social life? When your best friends are extinct. Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking about dinosaurs. They were great, but they’re all long gone. And let me tell you, it’s not easy to make new friends when you’re the only one left.
So, you know how they say ‘sin like you mean it’? Well, I always take that to heart. Because let’s be real, Jesus didn’t die on the cross for just any old sin. No, no, no. He died for the good stuff. The juicy sins. The ones that make you feel alive. So, next time you’re thinking about doing something naughty, just remember, make it count. You don’t want to waste Jesus’ sacrifice on a mediocre sin. Go big or go home, folks!
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The post 20 Funny Embroideries That Will Brighten Up Your Day first appeared on Sad and Useless Humor.
